You can't make appointments with your teenager

For those of you who don't know my background, I worked in "corporate America" in the thrilling, fast-paced medical device industry for over 20 years.  When I decided to embark on a new "career"….starting with "retirement" from my old career, I left with lots of appreciation of all of those thrilling years and thought I might miss that world.  Heck, who wouldn't want platinum airline status repeatedly over the years! :

What I have found, is now after a little over a year, I have jumped into many other things and realize that I love my new career also!  I have more time for creativity to work on projects like this….newprimetime.com, I have stepped up my volunteer activities, and I do spend more hours of my week in the company of my family. 

As I embarked on my new career, I did carryover some of my favorite habits from my old career.  One of them was that we have put our family lives into Microsoft Outlook… all of our calendar items, our contacts, each family member has their own email acct…..etc.  I dumped my Blackberry and bought a Treo (personal preference, I love the touchscreen and the Palm operating system)….and I use it to keep both my husband's and my laptops…and my Treo updated with all the family calendar items, appointments, etc.  Since our children are teenagers, there are LOTS of actitivities and appointments of which to keep track!

Also, early on, I was very intent on spending more time with my kids….of course to talk with them, and hopefully engage in discussion on meaty topics.  So, also as in my old career, my first inclination was to set up time with them to talk….this should be the most efficient way, right? 

Well, it kind of worked with my son, Steven (just kidding).  He is very logical and reasonable 16 year old….  "Do you have many goths at your school? I ask".  His response,
"no, not really. ".  "Do many kids drink or take drugs?" He responded with "I don't know"…..and the conversation continued with my spoken words outnumbering his minimal responses by about 10 to 1.

With 13 year old Katherine, bringing up such topics was even less successful." Why are you bringing this up, mom?  I don't want to talk about this now!". 

So, being a firm believer that if one method doesn't work, one needs to try another. 

Car rides are outstanding opportunities to connect with your kids…..and ask VERY open ended questions.  Better yet, if you take friends and your child in the car, VOILA……they somehow forget that your ears are a mere foot or so from the back of the vehicle…..where they sit.  VERY informative. 

Once armed with tidbits from a conversation openly held in YOUR car, as a parent, asking a follow-up question is complete fair game. 

So, for example, after listening to Katherine and a friend chat, I ask "Why did you 2 seem displeased by Science class today…what's going on?"……and then shut my mouth and let silence take over.  She readily filled in the silence with a fairly complete accounting of the social and political trials and tribulations of the 8th grade. 

My BIG learning point is that I am SO glad that I changed careers before my kids evaporated into adulthood……by being physically around them more, our relationships have enhanced…..and I have the luxury to not need to make appoiintments with them.  By being around, the casual topics can be massaged into more meaty discussions about life's more significant topics.  What is interesting to me is that I would not have known this, if I had not embarked on this "new" career. 

So, don't try to make an appointment with your teenager, just take a little time physically be around them a bit more, and the conversations will come. And perhaps you say, you can't find the time?  It may be time to rethink your next career.